I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea a few years ago, but thanks to my sensory issues, I’ve never been able to be “compliant” with the CPAP/APAP/BiPAP machines used to treat it. Knowing this about myself, and in light of some small improvements I have been making to my own life, I decided to see a sleep doctor and get some help. With the help of a clinician, I’ve been compliant with my OSA therapy for several nights now, and I noticed a difference in my daytime self almost immediately. The sleep tech who helped me listened to me while I explained the issues I’ve historically had with compliance, and actually suggested a solution that took my sensory issues into account and actually worked. I am amazed at the difference in both comfort and anxiety levels both while in bed and while awake during the day. I am taking time out of my days lately to appreciate this. I cannot believe the difference it has made to my mood.
I am being measured about it because I also have recently been able to get a supply of my ADHD medication, which helps me function much better as well. I worry about changes in my c*cle (trying not to attract spam bots) and whether fluctuating h*rmone levels will affect how I feel. But this weekend I have felt wonderful. It was a restful, restorative weekend.
I’m leaning harder into the idea of constructive rest. Rest should not be productive, in my opinion—because then it’s not really rest, it’s just slow productivity. Constructive rest is rest with a purpose but without a product. I’m trying to get back in tune with my body and set aside time to rest when I need it, rather than collapsing in the middle of the week because I haven’t taken a moment to restore my energy. It’s all part of a larger effort to be gentler with myself, to treat myself as I would a friend—concepts that I have long been aware of, but only recently have come to understand what they truly mean in practice. Self-help and therapyspeak have seldom reached me. I have to experience them somehow in order for them to make sense, and I’ve never had the motivation or the openness to experience actual self care (that is more than bubble baths and little treats) until recently.
Today, I love who I am becoming.
Rosie Writes 